


Lost in the Wind

by scribblemyname



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Age of Ultron does not exist, Community: Towerparty, Gen, Natasha Romanoff Backstory, Post-CA2 coda, Red Room
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-08
Packaged: 2018-04-19 18:04:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4755941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblemyname/pseuds/scribblemyname
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natalia's duty is to survive, succeed in her mission despite all obstacles, and return to the Room again. She makes a different call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost in the Wind

**Author's Note:**

> For Tower Party
> 
> Prompt: The meaning of life has been lost in the wind / And some people thinkin' that the end is close by / Stead of learnin' to live they are learning to die — Bob Dylan

They don't teach girls like Natalia how to live. They teach them how to kill and how to die.

"If you are taken, Natashenka," the Soldier asks her, her head tipped back in his hand, red strands of hair twined around metal so it hurts no matter how gentle he is.

"Death or escape," she whispers back.

She was taught how to deal it to herself, but it is a last resort. Natalia's duty is to survive, succeed in her mission despite all obstacles, and return to the Room again.

* * *

She is not a little girl as she watches still and quiet at the Soldier scream in pain at the loss of memory. She wonders a little bit whether it is a physical pain in his brain or the agony in his soul at what they have taken.

Natalia knows why they show this to her. Should she defect to survive, they will retake her and reset her. She will always belong to the Room.

* * *

Her hands are drenched in red. She cleans the blood off and ensures there is no genetic evidence left in the room to convict her, but then she sits down in front of the bed on the floor, back straight, gun at her side. She could shoot herself and end it all, and even then, she wonders if the Room would find some way to bring her back.

She looks at the gun. She was trained to survive. Death or escape. She thinks she would rather die in peace.

* * *

The Soldier is gone, on a mission, on loan, _elsewhere,_ and so she feels no regret when she returns to the Room with a mind drenched in red and full of the heavy weight of knowledge of all she has ever learned here.

She knows its hallways and its people. She knows how to kill and how to die.

Death or escape. They will kill her or she will kill them, and one or the other will wash the blood from their fingers.

* * *

Agent Clint Barton crouches in the snow, keen gaze taking in the charred ruin of what used to be the Black Widow's base of operations. He isn't entirely certain yet what he's looking at in terms of the repercussions throughout their industry, but he calls in the change in terms of his mission.

"She's gone rogue."

He sighs, puts his arrow back in its quiver, and follows her into the wind.

* * *

She buried herself in Clint's arms after SHIELD fell, and for once, he didn't tease her about being a cuddler.

She'd burned all her covers. Death and escape. Death and escape.

"I think I need to try something different," she murmured.

"Like what?"

The answer slowly took shape inside her before she finally gave it. "Like living."

She'd been trained to survive: to kill and to die. Clint hadn't. He had always lived every single moment, whether work or pleasure. She wondered what it would be like to open herself up the way he did and how badly it could hurt compared to this.

Clint leaned down and kissed the top of her head, hand rubbing soothingly over her back. "You're alive to me."


End file.
